Sunday, 22 March 2009

An Open Letter to the Pope.

Dear Pope,

Following your recent statement that AIDS 'cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms' but that they 'even aggravate the problems', I feel that I must offer you some advice: it is really about time that you get a technician to have a look at your direct connection to God, I fear there is some interference on the line. Have you thought of upgrading to broadband?

I have heard, as no doubt must you (though I can certainly get you references if you have not), that God is both loving and wise. AIDS as you may or may not know causes vast suffering, causing many, many deaths, including leaving countless children orphaned. You therefore understand that God must want this situation remedied? Now I know your life in the Vatican is a little sheltered, but surely in your time in the Hitler Youth you must have learnt that most ordinary humans like sex. You must also realise that God is wiser than to suggest for an entire continent not to have sex until the AIDS epidemic ceases and that therefore condoms, and education on the proper use of condoms, is the best option.

I therefore suggest that the message from God was not that AIDS 'cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms' but that they 'even aggravate the problems', but rather 'AIDS CAN be overcome through the distribution of condoms, and good education on their use can FURTHER HELP the problems'. I hope this clears up any confusion on your behalf and I am sure you now understand the importance of maintaining a good quality connection. If you ask my advice, Virgin Media seem to offer quite a reliable broadband connection service - I have never had any problems connecting to my friends, it is also aptly named for a Pope!

Yours sincerely

Mark J

PS. Thousands of millions of men, women and children are dying of malnutrition, ever thought of using the church's vast wealth and influence to feed them?

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