An Open Letter to the Pope.

Dear Pope,

Following your recent statement that AIDS 'cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms' but that they 'even aggravate the problems', I feel that I must offer you some advice: it is really about time that you get a technician to have a look at your direct connection to God, I fear there is some interference on the line. Have you thought of upgrading to broadband?

I have heard, as no doubt must you (though I can certainly get you references if you have not), that God is both loving and wise. AIDS as you may or may not know causes vast suffering, causing many, many deaths, including leaving countless children orphaned. You therefore understand that God must want this situation remedied? Now I know your life in the Vatican is a little sheltered, but surely in your time in the Hitler Youth you must have learnt that most ordinary humans like sex. You must also realise that God is wiser than to suggest for an entire continent not to have sex until the AIDS epidemic ceases and that therefore condoms, and education on the proper use of condoms, is the best option.

I therefore suggest that the message from God was not that AIDS 'cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms' but that they 'even aggravate the problems', but rather 'AIDS CAN be overcome through the distribution of condoms, and good education on their use can FURTHER HELP the problems'. I hope this clears up any confusion on your behalf and I am sure you now understand the importance of maintaining a good quality connection. If you ask my advice, Virgin Media seem to offer quite a reliable broadband connection service - I have never had any problems connecting to my friends, it is also aptly named for a Pope!

Yours sincerely

Mark J

PS. Thousands of millions of men, women and children are dying of malnutrition, ever thought of using the church's vast wealth and influence to feed them?

A quick note to the inhabitants of earth...

To those running businesses and corporations: agree to serious CO2 reductions and find new ways of continuing your business in a healthy way because, as many of you seem yet to have realised, YOU CAN'T MAKE MONEY IF YOU ARE DEAD AND THE WORLD AROUND YOU IS DEAD, YOU IDIOTS!

To those thinking corporations are to blame and politicians should step in: YOU BUY THIS SHIT THAT CORPORATIONS SPEW OUT, where do you think your iPod comes from; your car; your new laptop; your new speakers; your new clothes; the plane you flew abroad in; your new electric toothbrush; the servers that support all your online avatars; your new accessories; all that meat you are eating; your processed food and its packaging; that new clock that looks oh-so-good in your newly decorated kitchen; your new carpets and furniture; your updated appliances, because wouldn't life be easier if your iron heated up quicker and the kettle kept itself warm; your new mobile with new bouncing tv around the globe technology; the technology, factories and transport systems that support all the above. WAKE UP AND STOP KIDDING YOURSELF THAT BECAUSE YOU RECYCLE, HAVE BROUGHT AN ORGANIC TOP AND RESISTED HAVING TWO NEW PHONES A YEAR INSTEAD OF ONE THAT YOU ARE DOING YOUR BIT!

Ok, ok, so I am wrong to shout, it is most understandable that the majority of people have gone down this route, it was seen as the way to progress, the way to happiness, the way to health, the way to respect from your peers. I know me shouting is likely to polarise the alternate views even further, that views become more entrenched with people defensively protecting their views and ways of being, so I apologise and I ask you to recognised it is because of the frustration I feel and the threat I perceive to what I hold dear that arouses my anger.

Thank you for listening and I welcome your comments

Mark